how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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