what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize