I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
