ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
