He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
