He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
