i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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