the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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