Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
