The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
