I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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