Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
