Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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