I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
