he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
