How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
