Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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