I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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