WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
