I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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