3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
