i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
