and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
