I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
