This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize