im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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