I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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