I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
