But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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