I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
