It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
