Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
