im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
