i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
