Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
