Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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