So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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