kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
