we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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