Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
