You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
