Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
