I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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