I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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