Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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