I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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