The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
high people should be assigned attendants
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You ruined the universe
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
