Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
