I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
