i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
