I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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