when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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