I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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