so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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