She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your cock deserves a montage
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize