too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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