someone owes me an orgasm
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Houston, we have a blender
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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