I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
