He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
