A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
