Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
