names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
