You smell like a Billy Joel song
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
