...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize