Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
