just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
