what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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