no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
