help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
