we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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