I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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