Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
