if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
