Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There are leaves in my underwear?
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