so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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